April 2017

HWMNBN, Dept.
Posted by jemanji on 04/29/17
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. GAME THREAD In case a coupla you mooks want to mosh each other off the TV screen. . BPJ SEZ  Hopefully Boogs' arrival means the end of the Dyson fulltime experiment. Heredia's .800+ OPS makes Dyson's extra bit of defense so unimpressive.  His most valuable role to the team would be pinch runner late in close games, then defensive sub. Getting to pick and choose the spots where you need a stolen base is exactly how I'd use my 25th roster spot (which is where Dyson fits in, imo). Sincere question, how many defensive plays will Dyson make that Heredia won't? Follow up: How many defensive plays... Read More
But the subplot of the day really goes to ...
Posted by jemanji on 04/28/17
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. PITCHER BATTER MATCHUPS Here are the backgrounds.  At BJOL there was an interesting statement last week, "All managers should always ignore all such data."  I hae me do'ots, but in this case nobody has seen anybody much yet.  Which favors the pitchers, whatever they tell you. Key thing for Miranda is always those two or three warning-track balls, and the 3rd time through the lineup.  See what approach he uses after they're used to his sneaky fastball and his change on the same tunnel. . TREVOR PLOUFFE Interesting little riddle for us as sabes that Matty posted.  Why isn't Trevor Plouffe... Read More
How is Trevor Plouffe so Lame??
Posted by SABR Matt on 04/27/17
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This won't be a long thread. I get to make "money" off of Jeff Sullivan, who is awesome at stuff like this and did all of my work for me. But I thought the good Doctor might appreciate reading the original piece and my befuddled "huhhhh???" reaction. So here's the initial piece, discussing just who Mitch Haniger is similar to so far in about 50 games: http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/mitch-hanigers-six-great-comps-and-one-bo... (I'd hyperlink it, but the link button is grayed out and I don't understand why) Just trust me, this is a fun one. Copy it into the address bar and enjoy. EXEC SUMMARY:... Read More
The scores are getting worse. Consider appeasement, villagers.
Posted by jemanji on 04/27/17
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. PREDICTABLE FAWNING Dept. Back when Paxton was leaning back too far, back when he was wild, he got hit around one game and he remarked "I've either got to spot my fastball or get a breaking pitch over.  One of the two."  He said that or something that amounts to exactly that.  The point was, nobody can get away with ONE weapon.  He needed two. ... Fast forward to nowadays... in the Shout Box during the first 2 hitters we ticked off 6 weapons, as opposed to two weapons.  The most nuclear of these is the fastball inner 1/3 to righties.  Paxton is distinctive here in that a Cliff Lee will... Read More
and the defensive OF might have just gotten faster
Posted by jemanji on 04/26/17
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. Y'know the 1993-1998 Mariners would have held my attention even if they'd lost 95 games.  Which they didn't, but I'd have bought one ticket every 5th day just for the fireworks on display in that one. K-Pax' statline sits at 10.7 K, 1.8 BB and 0.0 HR.  Last time out, the A's showed that it's possible to score a few runs off Paxton if he can't hit the broad side of a barn door AND if the hitter lock in on mistake fastballs.  That isn't going to happen often.  We warned yer, after 3 shutouts, that there would be a few bad days.  Now, after the A's game, we warn the Tigers that it isn't likely... Read More
everything coming up roses for the M's (well, Boog anyway)
Posted by jemanji on 04/26/17
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. THE KING IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE KING There's a bright side to everything, up to and including food riots in Banana Republics.  As any 12-step counselor could tell you, the first step in correcting a problem is ... hurling a trash can through a storefront window.  Or if you're more inclined to an intellectual solution, to replace guys pitching bad with guys pitching good. Felix has a bright side to his own life.  Like, $25M per year, and mob-hugs any time he steps outside his car.  To work out hard for 4 months and then pull something is frustrating, no doubt.  Felix is kewl and the Goddess... Read More
ROY and the Great Baseball Face Into the Bargain
Posted by jemanji on 04/24/17
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. GROK 1 Scott Servais first brought up the idea of Jean Segura 1, Mitch Haniger 2.  This was a delightful suggestion.  Shortly after, SABRMatt first brought up the idea of a freakish runs total for Mitch Haniger.  He is at 19 runs scored in 20 games, and Khris Davis has the next-best American League total at 14. Haniger is fast.  His OBP is .430 because he is sneaking up on people in front of our vaunted MOTO and because his fish rate is 19%.  Remember we used to not be able to decide whether Michael Saunders was a Runs guy or an OBP guy?  This is kinda like that, except good. His WAR is at... Read More
of rebellion, dissatisfaction, and their favorite targets
Posted by jemanji on 04/24/17
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. Malcontent (as well as his virtual reclamation project, HWMNBN) has well earned a couple of bows in the aftermath of Gallardo's shutout.  And he has more info-tainment for us: . For practically the first time in his career (The first time anywhere near this level since 2010!), Yovani Gallardo is throwing at the top of the zone aggressively with his 2 fastballs.  Similar things are true of his Slider.  His change-up is new and improved, with a higher level of aggression and confidence than previous seasons it seems.  He still isn't getting the bottom of the strike zone like I want, but he's... Read More
wait, I see it wound up 11-1. Ah well
Posted by jemanji on 04/23/17
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. IGNITION SWITCHES Several reports had it that the Mariners players didn't like the Leonydas offload, not one little bit.  But see where it leads.  A lot of times it is good to communicate your expectations.  Especially if those expectations do not involve 7-12 records. Speaking of which (W-L records), the M's are now +90 runs -85.  It also says the M's position players are #8 of 30 teams in WAR, #3 in the American League. So we get a thunderous win, a day off to bask in it.  Then we get Felix, throwing really quite well, followed by Zeus.  With Jean Segura joining the offensive festivities... Read More
happy sakura day, Dept.
Posted by jemanji on 04/23/17
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. Q.  How can such an improbably nice, handsome, and all-around great guy be so mean? A.   Lady, they ain't athletes.  And they ain't really even people.  They're baseball players.  Besides that, Leonys Martin will land on his feet.  Better than Dr. D will, no doubt. . Q.  OK then.  What did you have against him in the first place? A.  Nothing other than his being Carlos Peguero minus the home runs.  Well, and plus the glove.  But I was okay with cutting him Sunday, and I'd have been okay with cutting him the day after the Texas deal, and I'd have been okay with cutting him any day in between... Read More
a feeb called Dr. D, dept.
Posted by jemanji on 04/23/17
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. JOHN CLEESE "I APOLOGIZE UNRESERVEDLY DEPT." Whether Gallardo throws another game like this, is beside the point.  I definitely did not think him capable of this kind of performance.  Thrilled to see that he is. . THROWING DOWNHILL About the 2nd inning, Gallardo's fastball had you sort of blinking.  He was using a very high front side, glove in the release area, shoulders connected to the CF very well ... well, he's always come over the top, Tall and Fall rather than drive and drop.  But today he seemed to be throwing downhill, getting nice vertical bite. Time and again he would throw the... Read More
Posted by jemanji on 04/22/17
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. GROK 1 Bob Dutton reports that Leonydas' job is now fair game for outfielders who play good.  We doubt that the Denizens will storm the gates, either here or downtown, against this concept. Remember it well, young man:  Stars & Scrubs allows you to swap out broken parts.  Of which the Mariners will find they were mistaken about a great. many. things.  As was Dr. D, but that's why he plays Stars & Scrubs too. Other fungibles:  Danny Valencia at a 36 OPS, Ariel Miranda (more their idea than mine, judging by Rizzs' tone in the first inning), and most of the bullpen.   . GROK 2 The M's... Read More
Nevertheless, Dr. D will still roster him if you wish to deal
Posted by jemanji on 04/21/17
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. An NBA player once said he watched Larry Bird miss two foul shots to blow a game.  "It was like watching the sun rise in the East," he chortled later.  A's fans had much the same experience, watching the Orcs score 5 runs off James Paxton.  It was a perfect storm of: (1) a slimy game plan by the orcs (2) a day off from foshball command by K-Pax (3) several other factors converging on the game at the same time During the game, we thought the A's were "tipping their caps" on anything below 95, and taking "pepper" half-swings on any fastball down.  Almost right; the data the next day show that... Read More
forecast: an 8-9 record, which is warlike consider the 2-8 trench we'd backed up to
Posted by jemanji on 04/20/17
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. BLUE FUNK Mojo sez -  . Happ had blue funk.  It is a disease that saps 100 percent of professionalism, manhood and ability out of its sufferers, and is fatal to a career.  The only cure is to trade or DFA the infected player.  Usually, as soon as the player takes off the Mariners jersey, he has a complete recovery.  Blue funk is mostly known to affect hitters, the most severe case being Kendrys Morales, but it can and does affect pitchers as well.  When a player is suspected of blue funk, it is important to quarantine him, usually via the 10 day DL, to make sure the infection doesn't spread... Read More
this n that, Dept.
Posted by jemanji on 04/20/17
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. Nathan axs, . 19-year-old Cuban OF Luis Robert has been cleared to sign with an MLB club on May 20th. What big market team that's not the Angels, Blue Jays, Cubs, Diamondbacks, Dodgers, Rays, Red Sox, or Royals could use a phenom center fielder? The teams listed are likely ineligible to sign him as they are limited to $300,000 or less during the current signing period. . The blurbs around the 'net have the White Sox and Cardinals connected to Luis Robert.  This is apparently the kind of kid that they've been watching since he was 15, nay, even 12 years old.  An uber-Cespedes per the... Read More
Streaking the wrong way
Posted by moethedog on 04/20/17
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Danny Valencia isn't very good right now.  I'm sure you've noticed.  Danny Boy isn't, by the way, in some run-of-the-mill bad stretch. He's in the worst bad stretch he's had in more than three seasons. Going back to the beginning os the '14 season, Valencia's monthly OPS numbers have looked like this:  2014: .786-.616-.923-.775-.744-.528    2015:  1.021-.652-.1.080-.766-.917-.861   2016:  .698-.1.078-.863-.634-.725-.716 Currently that number is at .455.  The only month he's had in the past three years that rivals this one was September of '14, when he hacked to the tune of .528.  He's in a... Read More
M's 6, hapless Stanton and Marlins 1
Posted by jemanji on 04/18/17
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. If you can't get enough shtick after a Mariners victory, and who can?!, check out last night's Shout Box and Dr. D's Twitter account.  Better stuff there than here, since Wishhiker, KingCorran and Rick were editing me for accuracy.  Oh, and commenting the game themselves, but who cares about that. The M's are now +59 runs -58, which is not bad for the worst 2 weeks of your season.  That's better than the Rangers usually do when they win the division.  But you would know that if you were on Twitter with us. . MIRANDA RIGHTS (to the #5 SP role) DEPT. We tweeted during the 1st that Miranda was... Read More
Dr. D transfixed by Taro's suggestion
Posted by jemanji on 04/18/17
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. You wonder if the M's would think about Taro's idea about 'Kuma in the pen.  Bear in mind that Taro knows NPB starters/relievers like you know interior line play in the NFL.  Well, maybe that's a bad example... like Geoff Baker knows the blue lines in hockey? ... no ... suffice it to say that I'd listen to Taro's opinion on Hisashi Iwakuma before I'd listen to my own. Nippon pitching isn't about genetics.  It's about a way of approaching the game, a way of preparing.  There is no racial element to comparing one Cuban to another, or one Nippon player to another.  They are isolated... Read More
flash mobs about to start forming at Safeco?
Posted by jemanji on 04/17/17
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. Here is the official NL-AL game preview.  Remarkably, it is completely info-free.  It does have a mugshot of the NL perp.  The M's do well in interleague games, presumably because the M's are not facing other AL players who have their chess openings booked and refuted. One guy has faced one of the pitchers; "our" Carlos Ruiz has been mulched by this Tom Koehler guy.  So we're guessing Ruiz won't be playing back-to-backs from the bench.  Hey!  By the way do we have any Denizen (besides TJM who since the election sees Dr D as Inspector Dreyfus did Clouseau, and appropriately enough) who knows... Read More
but not on the M's pennant hopes after two weeks
Posted by jemanji on 04/16/17
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. IF THE SEASON STARTED 7 DAYS AGO We would have OPS's over 1000 from DH, RF, LF, and SS.  3B would be at 895.  Only 1B and C would have started slow, really, and we'd have scored 5-9 runs in 6 games with Felix' 2-1 win being the other game. . WBC-San Iwakuma's velocity had already been down his first two starts.  As a GENERAL RULE that means a robust gain to the ol' ERA number.  General rules are not absolutes and if anybody can pitch with a minus-minus fastball it's this guy. So when he started off Sunday throwing 84, 85 MPH I'm thinking, "let's hope he's in the 10%."  Very shortly... Read More
Posted by jemanji on 04/16/17
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. REACTION SHOTS The real drama in a great movie often comes from bit characters WATCHING the hero.  Linda Hamilton crawling away from the Terminator in horror, as she realizes what she's up against, while that Kyle Reese guy desperately screams at her to get up, that conveyed Arnie's force more than Arnie could have.   Denizens' reaction shots to Zeus are unlike Sarah's and Kyle's.  But let us go savor some other sites' reaction to three shutouts to open the season ... Doug Miller's postgame has a kewl first paragraph ... Bob Dutton's postgame studiously avoids reaction to that which demands... Read More
M's 5, Rangers 0. Wait, what was the score in the home opener
Posted by jemanji on 04/16/17
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. For what, 5 or 6 innings, even a no-hitter still wasn't good enough.  Earl remarked that this state of affairs isn't good for morale.  The Rangers seemed to be lurking smugly, apparently secure in their belief that not even James Paxton was enough to change the M's status as Ranger "customers." Then, in three pitches, the game went from 0-0 to 5-0.  The Rangers blinked several times in confusion, trying to process the surprise.  We noticed that James Paxton came out the next inning unafraid to throw strikes.  And we remembered how Lou Piniella used to juggle his rotation so that Randy... Read More
And a modest proposal or two
Posted by moethedog on 04/15/17
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OK, a dang fine win last night! Vintage Felix, Haniger was Maniger, there was a "Boomstick Baby" Blast, and Edwin Diaz was flat out bad!  That's "bad" as in "The dude was baaaaad!" So we know Haniger is good and Diaz is baaaaaad. And we're learning that Valencia is ugly.  Well right now, anyway.  I'm almost pining for Justin Smoak, certainly for Bucky Jacobsen. If you guys don't mind, I'm going to make a modest proposal:  I'm calling on Doc to use his SSI leverage (potent as it is) to reach out to whoever is in charge of Safeco music and such; The good Doctor should  get them to play the... Read More
- Paxton Game Thread here -
Posted by jemanji on 04/15/17
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. FELIX 7.1 6 1 1 0 3 It seems that Felix is getting the hang of his new incarnation. To aiki-Doc, his body language and his pitching motion is much happier.  For instance, he looked like he was standing with his feet a bit wider apart taking the sign - meaning that he was "chambering" his CG to tetherball around his right leg in a "fun, loose" motion.  The acceleration of his CG around the tetherball pole - the point of momentum as he swung around and launched forward - had a swing feel rather than a muscular feel. When he came off the mound in the 8th -- during the inning! -- he gave a... Read More
cheers, Dept.
Posted by jemanji on 04/15/17
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. SNAKEBIT Haniger's "single" would have been a 3-run shot if it had gone how much farther?  The width of a baseball?  And there were half-a-dozen moments like that.  The M's won anyway.  It is the mark of a "loaded" roster that you can have everything go wrong and still win. We know the M's are 3-8; we're just noticing yesterday's visual of Seahawks Beat 49'ers with -3 Turnover Ratio. ... Haniger has an OPS+ of 160 and nobody else, except subs, is at 99. . OUTSCOUTED Silentpadna wondered why the M's often start slow.  It's a perpetual doom plotline that the other team's advance scouting, its... Read More
Dr. D stunned by his colleague's discoveries
Posted by jemanji on 04/14/17
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. Mo' Dawg (Keith) has an article up under the "All" domain rather than under the "Baseball" domain.  So you won't see it even in the handy-dandy "Active Threads" conversation menu.  Don't miss it.  He lists 15 laws of Mariner physics and that gives Dr. D the chance to run a freebie URL!  Yeah baby! Picking and choosing from his physics text.  Moe sez, and Dr. D volleys, . 1.  The speed of light is somewhat slower than the pace at which the Mariner bullpen gets bombed.  Einstein said it was impossible. Altavilla says it isn't. Heh!  True.  We notice however that the M's pen overall has an... Read More
Servais' managing as subject to fair discussion as Valencia's hitting is
Posted by jemanji on 04/13/17
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. Moe sez, . Martin is broken.  Did you hear the comment about his return to a higher hands approach at the plate?  If you go all of ST and 2 weeks of the season with a new approach AND then toss it aside it means you're lbroken; perhaps only for the time being, but you're broken.  Mike Fiers is a career 1.25 WHIP and 3.84 ERA guy.  He's not bad.  If Martin starts tonight I will yell at my TV.  Oaths may be included.  Hide your women and children. . And Blissed sez, . You're spot on with Martin. He had a few moments early last season but over the past 5 months of play has been mostly a rally-... Read More
Billingham Day doesn't work out this time, mates
Posted by jemanji on 04/13/17
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. HWMNBN We promised that we weren't going to be provocative here, so just the fa'ax, ma'am. GOOD:  In the first two starts, Gallardo has definitely thrown the ball a good +2 MPH harder than he has for several seasons.  That's not the same as throwing it +2 MPH harder for 150 innings, but in a vacuum it is yuuuuge.  (Whoops, almost got provocative...).  Maybe that's what Dipoto had in mind, on some level. Also, the Mainframe was thrilled that Gallardo came out throwing his 79 MPH curve (as opposed to his inviting little cutter/slider).  It had depth and some bite, and he was able to make it... Read More
there's always something fun going on in Safeco
Posted by jemanji on 04/12/17
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. THOR JR. They said that the HR he hit in the third had an exit velocity of 105 MPH.  A line drive that carried almost 400 feet.   Kyle Seager hit 30 home runs last year and only +4 of them had exit velocities in excess of 105 MPH. Motter was supposed to be a decent weapon against LHP's -- hence the Denizens' suggestion of giving Danny Valencia a day or two off.  But Motter's laser beam was hit off a right hand change slider.  Later his double was off a jam pitch, hands high, in off the plate for a ball.  He's got 5 hits:  four doubles and a home run. Question:  have you EVER seen a backup... Read More
the Newcomers With No Names continue to battle impossible odds (bad luck)
Posted by jemanji on 04/12/17
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. THE BAD AND THE UGLY Blissedj consoled all of us with his comment that this has been the most viscerally painful week in M's history.  He should feel better this morning, since the M's followed up their suffering --- > by assigning Mitch Haniger the key game-losing flub in right field.  Next up, some random Astro hits a double Wednesday, causing an enraged Edgar to charge out of the dugout, Woody Hayes style, to clothesline the hapless batter and get himself banned from baseball.  He and Pete Rose then set up an offshore poker site and are later killed by pirates. Who was the guy who... Read More
a continued losing streak would be illogical
Posted by jemanji on 04/11/17
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. The MLB.com one-page snippet on tonight's ballgame.  The batter-pitchup matchups don't exist but 1) Miranda is perfectly fine as #4 starter provided?  The 2-3 deep flies in the game don't go over the wall.  Here's the ultimate synergy situation with three CF's and a big cold park.  (My friends had to leave Monday's game early because of the weather.) 2) Musgrove is a promising sinker/slider guy in the good sense.  His sinker looks harder than usual to barrel up and he mixes his slider effectively.  Also he has the benefit of novelty.  In a super loose sense you could think of them as their... Read More
Enough Comedy Jokes, dept.
Posted by jemanji on 04/10/17
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. LOST WEEKEND The Angels came back on a 1000:1 shot Sunday, or the M's would be 3-5 despite themselves.  Remember than any batted ball has a 70% shot of hitting a fielder, and you need like 8 balls to fall in to come back from 9-3 in the 9th.  In a sense that's not really the M's fault.  It woulda been if they'd blown a 6-3 lead, mebbe, but not at 9-3. Anyway, Dr. D likes Felix' 12:0 strikeout ratio and his chances to adjust as a legit midrange #2 starter.  Iwakuma's stuff seems down a tick, as is his CTL ratio, but he'll always have his pitchability as long as his shoulder is okay. In... Read More
Long weekend ...
Posted by jemanji on 04/10/17
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. ... for me as well as for the M's.  Mine was quite a bit more pleasant.  But here's a Monday Game Thread if anybody is still chatting the Mariners when they're 1-6.  :- )  More in 10 min's... . ENOUGH!  COMEDY!  JOKES! One of the things you have to LIKE about sports is when they disintegrate into tragi-comedies.  In 1997, the M's bullpen was blowing games with stuff like 17 balls in 18 pitches and 4 WP's, and the Soccer Moms I knew were turning on the games just to see what would happen today.  There may have been funnier weeks in M's history than last week, and July 1997, but I don't... Read More
Dipoto has hisself a true hot rod and Dr D is blinkin' likin' it
Posted by jemanji on 04/08/17
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. The Mariners' site has a StatCast up on Dyson's catch last night to double off Mike Trout.  Always fun. The 46% catch probability is based on Dyson's actual in-game positioning, as opposed to a Dewan-type stat which simply assigns every spot on the field a probability based on neutral positioning.  We assume that Dyson was better-than-average in his positioning.  Dewan also assumes that the TYPICAL MLB positioning gives a better chance at the catch than his system would expect.  In other words, teams do a great job in positioning their OF's to make catches like Dyson's. On 100 such balls,... Read More
If Picasso could go through 4 years of blue, we can suffer 10 days
Posted by jemanji on 04/08/17
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. ANGELS 5 If you want folks to reassure you that Gallardo is doing well, ask anybody with the Mariners.  Not trying to be snide.  They're committed to him and that's how pro sports goes in the days of these kinda bucks.  The TV crew praised every decent Gallardo pitch with gusto and Servais said that Gallardo threw the ball "crisply." If you want somebody to tell you the truth, ask somebody who noticed 10 baserunners in 5 innings, and umpteen cripple pitches the Angels missed -- this being Gallardo's upside scenario.  He brought his BB's down by making the Angels prove they could hit HR's.  ... Read More
Here's to an 8-6 victory
Posted by jemanji on 04/07/17
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. JACK BILLINGHAM As most Denizens know, Dr. D's boyhood team had an impossible collection of 8 regulars who were, each of them, lordly on offense as well as defense.  The Reds would always have a good pitcher or two - Gary Nolan or Don Gullett or somebody, and those guys would go 15-3 in front of the Big Red Machine.  (Hmmmmmm speaking of James Paxton ...) But on Jack Billingham Day it would become a desperate contest between JB's "atom balls," with Dave Concepcion diving left and right every inning, and Johnny Bench's attempts to reach the fences two or three times and overcome the natural... Read More
Only 2 games back! Yeah baby!
Posted by jemanji on 04/07/17
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.  Back in the 1980's, they had a Magic-Bird duel going on TV.  The score was 65-62 or something.  Bill Russell was commenting and casually remarked, "If either of these teams were playing ANY other team in the NBA right now, they'd be up by 20 points."  The other analysts were stunned.  But that can be the way in a series like that. To a lesser extent, that had been Dr. D's impression of the Astros-Mariners series.  It seemed to be Jerry Dipoto's also.  From Thursday's Brent Stecker column: . “Dallas Keuchel was the Cy Young form of Dallas Keuchel on opening night. The second day out, we got... Read More
If even Zeus can't help you...
Posted by jemanji on 04/06/17
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. TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR MARINERS MORNING 10.  Five words:  less Dr. D this morning.  At least YOU don't have to write this up, pokey   9.  Sure, Houston won, but we were missing Tyler O'Neill check this shtick out 8.  Jarrod Dyson performed 2 miracles in 3 games ... and like we sez, defense and baserunning is always more aesthetically pleasing than 5 homers.  Speed Never Slumps 7.  News pages on M's site filled with phrases like "tough-luck start," "Pazos uninjured" and "Season expected to continue as planned" 6.  Robinson Cano second on ballclub with .167 average 5.  Wait till we get our... Read More
sic 'em boy. SIC EM
Posted by jemanji on 04/05/17
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. KING FELIKKKKKKs Number of K's corresponding to his last start.  Corresponding to his next, Servais sez . "I just sat down stairs with Rick and Scott, and they're pretty confident he's going to make his next start," Dipoto said shortly before Tuesday's game against the Astros. "Felix feels good, he went out and did his pregame work and felt perfectly good about it. It was a precautionary measure taking him out of last night's game, which I think was the right thing to do. "I was very encouraged with how he threw, and I believe he is as well. I thought he threw the ball great. Right now, we... Read More
Sub 'fun' for 'happiness' in the grapx above and you're right there
Posted by jemanji on 04/05/17
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. In the book of Ecclesiastes chapters 1-3, King Solomon (rich as Croesus, or Midas, or richer) has everything he could possibly have.  Wine, women, song, entertainment, riches, unsurpassable knowlege, all of it.  He sets out to investigate, methodically, which will make him happiest. He concludes, none will.  "I said of mirth, what doeth it?"  You go to the greatest standup routine of your life, and your good mood lasts until --- > somebody cuts off your parking spot at Wal-Mart.  Your beautiful wife is wonderful until she gets real mad at you.  A Ph.D in neuroscience is great until you... Read More
at least Denizens have each other in their despair
Posted by jemanji on 04/04/17
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. GAMEFLOW Lance McCullers came out breathing Smaug-fire in the first three innings.  In fact Krueger compaed his curve to Nolan Ryank's mid high 80's curve, and against a located 94 MPH there's another three innings you're not going to do anyhing. Reminded you of the first 2 Mariners games ever played, where Nolan Ryan and Frank Tanana pole-axed the expansion M's by 2-0 and 7-0 or somesuch.  The M's won the third and my dad shrugged, "well, the Angels have two pichers." ... Iwakuma was on his game too, however, and he allowed only strange off-field HR.  After the first three innings, we had... Read More
King Felix ascends his throne for 2017
Posted by jemanji on 04/04/17
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. THE FABRIC OF BASEBALL HISTORY IS WRITTEN ON CY YOUNG CLOTH, Dept. There were a lot of things you liked about the M's 0-3 loss.  The only thing to dislike was that Dallas Keuchel was unhittable.  To turn a phrase against myself:  the AL West better hope that was just a 12-for-16 shooting night by square beard. It's one thing to have an invisible breaking pitch, like Keuchel's disappearing changeup.  Which was, I think, as good or better than Felix' changeup on his best day.  But it's another thing when your fastball location is ALSO nicking the black whenever you want. Jered Weaver used to... Read More
Lot of people like Houston for the Serious. Stinks for them
Posted by jemanji on 04/03/17
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. SSI WORST WAGER TALLY SO FAR WORST WAGER:  you can't get any worse of a bet than this dude; the sooner they pull the plug the better, regardless of any lucky QS in April:   -6 = Taro, Dr. D, Seattle Sports, KingCorran, Nathan H (unless he's also "Seattle Sports .. "), SABRMatt. JUST MIGHT SURPRISE, DON'T BE SO HASSSSTY:  +5 = Malcontent the Minority Whip, with Billy Zoom, Sherminator, Jerry Dipoto and Electrokraken. UNCOMMITTED:  Every other Denizen Delegate.  However, we suspect Malcontent of sending his boys out to beat people up in the alley.  Some of them are sitting quietly subdued in... Read More
Astros face their doom today
Posted by jemanji on 04/02/17
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. SWEET LOU Coming from the Yankees, Lou used to grouse that the Mariners never "brought north the club they wanted to go to war with."  This year we're rolling.  With one notable roster exception, the M's are ready to throw hands.  No, the bullpen isn't a weakness in the broad sense; they've got a super-closer and some arms behind that.  It may not be the 1997 Orioles but it's not a weakness as such.  Now, if we're talking weaknesses: . HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED In his last TV start just now, threw like an MLB(TM) Innings Eater.  Granted, his strikeout total was 0.  Dr. D has grave doubts... Read More