Byte Sized Nuthin
Dr. D's sound and fury signifieth nuthin



The Mariners spent the day not wanting to be there.  Dr. D spent the night, not wanting to type.  Ryan Rowland-Smith waved off Iwakuma's walks (and velocity) as "a low-energy situation."  Mike Zunino chuckled it off as a mechanical thing, like balance, and that Iwakuma would get it squared away.

Dr. D's worry factor:  0.  Well, if Our Local NPB Star tops out at 85 on day two, then my worry factor will exceed 0.  I don't expect that it will.

So as far as this morning's coffee goes, like they used to say in NFL Street, how about a Big Helpin A NOTHIN'.



Servais fielded his Opening Day lineup -- we certainly hope -- against the world's impossible pitcher.  Dr. D settled in to grade the M's hitters as to which looked comfortable.  The first 6 all viewed Kershaw the way hungry polar bears view seals.  This was not as much the case when we snuck victories via the Endy Chavez and Casey Kotchman moneyball underground tunnel.  But Kershaw did manage to escape with his life.

From memory, now, so check me on these:

JEAN SEGURA - very relaxed, tracked the pitches all the way, took the last couple and trotted down to first.

MANIGER - took a low-away heater on 0-1 but the ump blew the call, 1-1.  On 1-2 Kershaw cracked off a Curve of the Century, which broke a bit inside.  Maniger TOOK IT?!  ?!   ... ?!  The ump called it a ball and the Dodgers' dugout went wild.

On 3-2, Maniger shortened up.  Kershaw rocked and fired a BB knee high.  Maniger stuck his nose into the strike zone and socked the ball up the middle for a hit ... no, wait, it hits the mound and the 2B is behind the bag covering Segura's SB.  Flukishly 6-3.  Maniger again looks unlikely-ish in command of the ballgame.

CANO - rifled a shot off the 2B's shoe.  Who caught it.  Rifled hit the next time up too.

Who's pitching again?  The best of the last 20 years, you say?

BOOMSTICK - got jammed and fisted a ball on one hop* off the RF fence.  Kershaw lucky not to be down 3-1 with nobody out.

SEAGER - on 0-1, got a ladder fastball.  Got on top of it with sweeeeet batspeed.  FLined it into the off field for a clean hit.

VALENCIA - I forget.  Took a nice pitch or two, though.

Next inning, Leonydas put two nice swings on, fouled 'em off.  Zuumball walked or something.  Dyson put a great swing on but was out to LF.  Break up the M's!  The story after the game was "Kershaw was off."  The actual events were, "M's took a lot of great pitches.  They hit the other ones."  SSI, your one stop shop for Truth and the American Way.



He's a baseball player who is out of position everywhere, because there is no position called "ballplayer."  He's fun to watch at SS, with his Jack Wilson knee-slides and his big arm.  Motter comes over-the-top with 3B throws like he lives there.  He's fluid in the outfield.  He swings like he thinks he's Jose Bautista.  He sent flowers to Shawn O'Malley apologizing.  Well, he probably did.

In some other year he might be our fave player.



The Commissioner threatened to take away low strikes.  The idea, if you just joined us, is long fly balls disappearing over the fence and drawing those over-stimulated NBA fans.  (Sudden thought:  is this why Edwin Diaz now gets to flip an Ozzie after a save?)  Most big leaguers laughed it off.  They'll call a few in spring, and then revert as soon as the games start.  So goes the script.

Bill James was aghast.  9,000 ways you can add offense without performing heart surgery on the game, which is to say altering the strike zone.

Jeff Sullivan studied it.  They have taken away some low strikes this spring.


Which M's would benefit?  By inverted logic, any who don't live at the knees.  Drew Smyly woulda benefitted, huge.  Felikkks and WBC-san wouldn'a.  Zeus would.  Moving two sections down, Evan Scribner would.  The odds are 10:1 or better that the umps will still give the kneecap strike.  But if they don't:  68 homers for Nelson Cruz.



Interesting squib on the TV the other day.  Turns out that last winter, the M's went to Cano, Cruz & Co. and asked them "which of these 6 lefties do you hate to hit."  Everybody agreed Zip.  Too hard to lift the ball against him.  So Dipoto went and got Zip.

I wanna see this factor quantifed on Fangraphs very soon.  "Enemy Admiration Factor Adjusted By GM Age and Payroll."



Wishhiker lined up all the SP's for us in some thread but I got no idea where.  Hopefully he'll repost it.  Smyly threw his arm out pretending to be Lefty Grove.  So for April, MY choices for the 4 slot would be:

1) Max Povse.  They'll never see im comin.  And the mistake-hitting greedy swingers in Houston can chew on some paintballs for a while.

2) Dillon Overton.  Even the Mainframe can be transfixed by a single set of 6 innings if it's spirally-eyed enough.

3) Evan Scribner, We WISH.  

4) Nobody else we're thrilled about.  Miranda needs to synch in.  Heston is fine on his A game but a tragedy on his B game.  Andrew Moore they ain't going to promote.  Scribner has a starter's rhythm and a starter's repertoire and a 16-win upside, but you know how Dr. D's baseball fantasies, such as Tom Wilhelmsen QS's, turn out.

Fill in your own preference here.


... supposedly they called Bob Walcott up like one hour before he had to get on his airplane, in that Cleveland playoff series.  Do that with Povse, HOU game 4.   Don't even think about moving He Who Must Not Be Named  out of his number 5.9 slot in the rotation.



So Monday will be pretty fun, right.


Warned ya it was nuthin,

Dr D




The list forAAA rotation







7De Jong




I was nodding and laughing, "Uh- huh, Exactly!"  Then a little learning through the low strike situation before the sledge hammer: 

But if they don't: 68 homers for Nelson Cruz.

Pretty much.

Man am I excited to see Maniger approach 100 RBI and 100 runs.  Picture the days that Heredia and Dyson close out the order and it rolls over to Segura for 3 speedsters in a row in front of the Man.  Then Cano.  etc.


I've got a running plan with my youngest brother. When the day comes, we're going to create a bunch of our favorite Mariners from history in a sim game, like MLB The Show. Griffey, Bone, Unit, Ichiro, The King, and so forth. We'll include EXACTLY enough depth to field two 25-man rosters, and hold a paired draft... essentially, I pick Edgar, he gets Cruz. He picks Beltre, I get Seager. I pick Unit, he gets Felix. (Whatever). We'll more or less agree on the pools of players, and when one of us selects a player the other gets a matching selection at the same position. That way there's no absurd roster mismatch scenarios.

Then we play. =) Imagine Garcia, Putz, A-Rod, and Bone taking on Moyer, Sasaki, Cano, and Cameron.

I haven't gotten all the details worked out yet. Pretty sure we don't want one-and-done guys (sorry, Cliff Lee... maybe I'll make exceptions for new guys who could be here some time, like Segura), so we'd want a minimum tenure with the M's - perhaps with allowances for relief aces, I don't know. I also don't know exactly how we'd want to measure player performance... we want representatives of our best players; do we want them at their best? (e.g. best single season, or average of best three?) or career performance levels (just with the M's, across any teams with which they played, or cut off worst X years from the average?). What stats do we use to define the players? How tightly do we try to define defense?

Lots of questions yet, though some of the players are obvious. Boone. Rhodes. Wilson. We'll get there... I have a spreadsheet with various ideas tracking the best historical players, though - trying to keep abreast of how new seasons affect active players in the rankings. It's primarily offense-driven since I can grasp that more easily, but I do have a simple allowance for defensive prowess.

The point of all this? I'm kinda looking forward to adding in the results of this season to the spreadsheet. Kinda of, a lot.


For CF... sorry Hendu or Cameron

For Rf... is Tartabull, Rupert or Zisk even in the discussion?

SP's... No way Lee should make it, if Bannister, Mike Moore, and Young are questionable

Assuming Olerud is a given... does Mr. Mariner get left off? Tino?

Assuming Visquel, and you mention Segura... A-Rod out just because

Harold or Julio?

Good luck with the list.

The Other Billy Zoom's picture

OK, I capitulate on our wager, officially, in another 15 hours (lest some huge nam deal today). 

Where do I send it?

And I'm not bettin' a dime on who takes Smyly's place.

Could be anybody on Killer's list, or somebody not on his list.

Might not know that name until Monday.



But remember how Paul Newman "loses" the wager to Tom Cruise by 10 seconds?  Jerry Dipoto is probably just waiting for someobody to realize that Dan Altavilla is not going to be on any waiver wires...

The Other Billy Zoom's picture

I said M's would sign somebody before april 1 who carried a salary of $13.5  mil per year or more.

My speculation was centered on McCutcheon, but, it included anybody making that kind of moolah.

SABRmatt said no way they would put out that kind of money.

I put up $10 and lost.

That's why I need a contact for him, so I can pay off.



Though who knows how hard he tried, or how close he came.  

You're on a roll.  Time to bet somebody that the M's WON'T land Quintana!


Very nice to see the M's using some lineup crowdsourcing in their quest for relief pitching. If that's why they went after Repznewski, I like the move much more. 

If everything is just management tweaking the puppet strings, I don't trust the process as much as involving the guys on the front line. 

*dons Lloyd Christmas bowl cut and says, "I likeit uhlot."


Alright...I need a favor from the community here.

I am married, which means I have to give up half of my life in exchange for half of her life and a general improvement and balance in our lives combined.

Long story wife is an early riser. not.  She is getting frustrated by the fact that I don't want to get up insanely early like she does because it is causing her not to get enough exercise and creating schedule conflicts at night.

I live on the east coast...the Mariners live on the west coast and play a ton of 10 PM games.

Ergo...we have hammered out the great "2017 Treaty of Dover" in which I agree to limit my 10 PM Mariner viewings as much as possible and she agrees not to interfere with all games that are earlier than those, the lion's share of weekend games when we are not traveling, and enough 10 PM games to guarantee I get at least 90 games this year.

I am also legally blind.  I need a very large print calendar schedule so that I can hang under our recently acquired big schedule board (we use that to plan a lot of the other pieces of our week each week) and, each week, reserve the games I'll be watching on the big schedule board above.

Any ideas on where I might get a poster-sized 2017 Mariner schedule?


Hey Matt,

How big would you need it? I could help get a print-ready file for you, that you coud take to like Kinkos or somewhere, if that would be useful.

Let me know.



...would prefer calendar display style so that it's easy to see the weeks...the schedule the mariners website offers in that calendar style doesn't look like it would scale up in size very well. Thanks in advance for any ideas or assistance. 


...would prefer calendar display style so that it's easy to see the weeks...the schedule the mariners website offers in that calendar style doesn't look like it would scale up in size very well. Thanks in advance for any ideas or assistance. 


Hey Matt,

I think I can help. There is a website called Vista Print that offers really afforable pricing for poster prints, and it's easy to use. You just upload an image using their template, pay, and they mail it to you. I'll walk you though it. It should be only $8.99 or so.

18x24 is a pretty standard poster size, for which you can pretty easily find a cheap frame. I recommend this size.

1. Go here:

2. Click "Upload a Complete Design"

3. Confirm the 18x24 size, and click Next

4. On the left click, "Add images from my computer"

5. Download this file I made to your computer, and upload it to the their website (it's high enough resolution to be crisp when printed so large):

6. You'll get a preview of it, and it will look like this:

7. You'll need to create an account and all that, but it should be pretty simple.

8. Then they mail it to you and you can frame it

Let me know if that all makes sense, or if I can help any further. Enjoy!


Quick!  Quick!  Do you know which 2 of the 5 languages of love appeal to your dearest?

If you're heart's really in the Treaty, a bonus 1+2 can go a long ways towards ratifying the treaty and even expanding it a skosh here and there...


Also, do not underestimate the joy of a 40-minute DVR scanthru of the previous night's M's game... if we cannot fast forward, we wither and die ..


Acts of service and physical touch.

You thought I wouldn't know that? I'm catholic...we have marriage prep classes. :D

You do have a good point about what happened isn't the same as living through the intensity of a gathering rally, the desperation of an attempted comeback, the exhilaration of a no-hit real time.

So I work out compromises, and I try to hold on to some of that for as long as I can.


my wife thinks that doing the dishes are a negative comment on her organization.  LOL.  For me it's time and touch, preferably back massages.  And a little flavor text; she likes aiki massaages, with kotegaeshi, nikko and sankyo.  Therefore I can remind her constantly that her husband is unique and therefore indispensable.  :: clouseau ::


My wife has a chronic health issue so a lot of what I do to remind her that I love her is just the little things to take care of her.  That's how I won her over in the first place. :)

She thinks I'm completely irresistible when I'm doing a chore.  It's uncanny 

The Other Billy Zoom's picture

Send an e-mail to

I'm not sure if the mariners put a big one out, but at least one (or two) beer companies have ... and he will probably get an address to you.

One of the businesses that spondor the broadcasts might also have some available.  Kevin Martinez would know.  He's bizzy bizzy, but, he's got a stuff to run requests like yours down.



Doc, there is something I have felt may be a Mandela Effect that I haven't seen listed anywhere. Unfortunately, it's another dreaded Hollywood example. 

When I was a kid, watching Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber, I remember my favorite actor being Jim Carey.

Now that myself and Jim are both much older, I look back and see that his name is/was actually Jim Carrey. 

Was I wrong about that all these years also?  Is this another one to add to the who knows pile?


I remember Tom Cruise sliding out wearing something on his face and a shirt that's a different color than pink. Do any of you recall it differently than how it actually is?

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